Stealing from the Vloggers: 32 random questions

After Monday, I decided questions are fun, and I'm doing them again today. I found a 32 random questions list that got tagged around youtube for a bit. Here we go . . .

1.) Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
Closed.
2.) Do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?
Never for myself, but I have taken them with me to give to others when asked. 
3.) Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
Close to the last time I washed my sheets, tucked in. Then, they eventually untuck. When they untuck all the way, it's time to wash the sheets again. 
4.) Have you ever stolen a street sign?
Nope
5.) Do you cut out coupons and then never use them?
More often than not, yes. I try to use more coupons, but never remember to. 
6.) Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees?
Best option: bear under normal circumstances. Then, bees. Worst, mother bear defending cubs. 
7.)Do you always smile for pictures?
No, but usually.
8.) Do you ever count your steps when you walk?
Constantly. I especially count steps in a staircase when helping move furniture. That way, I don't have to see where I'm stepping. 
9.) Have you ever peed in the woods?
Yep. 
10.) Do you still watch cartoons?
Some people say "Aren't you a little old for cartoons?" and I respond "Yes, yes I am." For those not following the Phineas and Ferb reference, I absolutely still watch cartoons. 
11.) Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?
Probably behind central air and heating vents. Seems like a place the average looter wouldn't think to look, and I'm not sure I have the ability to hide such things effectively from determined treasure hunters. 
12.) What do you drink with dinner?
Kool-aid. It's cheap and delicious, so you best believe I drink that stuff like the spaceship's a-comin'.
13.) What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
Buffalo or Honey Mustard
14.) What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
Grave of the Fireflies. Lord of the Rings. Aladdin. Star Wars. 
15.) Were you ever a girl scout?
Nope, but one tried to recruit me when they realized that (1) There weren't actually gender requirements to join and (2) They could use more membership.
16.) Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
Probably not, I can't imagine why one would ask me to. 
17.) Can you change the oil on your car?
Probably. I've changed oil in other cars I've owned, but it's actually cheaper to bring it in. 
18.) Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket?
Yep.
19.) Afraid of heights?
Kind of. I'm afraid of the idea of heights, but my depth perception is so garbage that I can't always get a sense of height when at heights. 
20.) Do you sing in the car?
Absolutely.
21.) Is Christmas stressful?
Only the part where I have to avoid singing Christmas carols the rest of the year: that's a heck of a strain.
22.) Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid.
Paleontologist, Lawyer, Video Game Designer.
23.) Do you believe in ghosts?
Yes, but the vast majority of reported sightings are probably not genuine.
24.) The first concert you ever went to.
I've never been to a concert. I've been to stadium events where a band briefly made an appearance, and just couldn't stand the crowds. 
25.) Walmart, Target, or Kmart?
Whichever's nearest, usually Walmart. 
26.) Nike or Adidas?
Neither, I shoot for shoes in the $20-ish range.
27.) Can you curl your tongue?
Nope
28.) Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
Nope
29.) The last concert you saw?
See number 24.
30.) Can you swim well?
Yeah, but I wish I could go swimming more often
31.) Can you knit of crochet?
I can knit, but it's been a while. They used to make fun of how tight I would knit. I actually warped needles. 
32.) Are you a dog person or a cat person?
More a cat person. I don't mind dogs, but I know less about dog care. I'm also fine without animals. Left to my own devices, I probably just wouldn't get around to getting a pet.

Alright, this has been a fun couple of days of posts. Thanks for reading, e'rrybody.

What's your favorite . . .

So, for fun, I decided to type "what's your favorite" into google and see what came up in auto fill. Here's the list:

what's your favorite color
what's your favorite
what's your favorite song
what's your favorite idea
what's your favorite animal
what's your favorite food
what's your favorite position
what's your favorite scary movie
what's your favorite color google

Seems like fun, let's do it.

Favorite Color: Depends on the context. I like gray cars. I like black shirts and orange shirts. Red, green, and blue are great decorating colors (not all together). Slytherin had the coolest house colors, with Hufflepuff a close second.

Favorite Song: At the moment (and it really does change moment to moment): "What If" by Emilie Autumn
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NP6Ob-MKjBQ

Favorite Idea: I think the problem of evil is a really interesting theological thing to think about. It also feeds into a lot of other theological concepts, and it really gets a person thinking: gets me thinking, anyway.

Favorite Animal: If dinosaurs don't count, and I have to stick to living animals, probably the peregrine falcon. It's been a while since I read Animorphs, but I think it goes, like, 200 mph in a dive. That sounds high, but it's what I think I remember being right.

Favorite Food: Biscuits and gravy, especially with over easy eggs and some hash browns.

Favorite Position: Goalie  ;P

Favorite Scary Movie: I tend to like parody movies of the genre best, and in that category, Tucker and Dale vs Evil; but if I've got to stick with actually scary movies: then, Night of the Living Dead.

Google's Favorite Color: The logo uses blue and red twice each, so I'd have to guess it's one of those.

What are your favorites? Feel free to chime in in the comments below. 

Five Things To Put In your Wallet Before You Take On The World

Hopefully, no one out in internet land is hoping to be less prepared to take on life like a winner. If you are, sorry, this article's not for you. This article is for people who want to be ready for anything, impress those around them, and, even in a small way, save the day for someone in their lives. Today, I'll be posting five things you can fit in your wallet to make you a more prepared individual.

1. First Aid Supplies

This one may seem ambitious, but bear with me on this. I'm sticking this at number one because it's a very simple way to become drastically more prepared. Take half a dozen band-aids, and maybe a couple of individually wrapped alcohol wipes. You are now equipped to handle small scrapes. This is less a triage solution, and more a way of containing blood quickly. Plus, when someone needs a band-aid, the guy who doesn't even have to get up to help is going to be invaluable.

2. Car Key

Real quick, think of the last time you locked your keys in your car. I'm betting most of you didn't lock your wallet in with them, did you? This is a quick fix that you almost never need to think about and that can save a lot of hassle when the inevitable brain fart strikes. There are options in this as well. Need to loan out your car often? Get a traditional key. Worried about theft? Ask when getting the spare key cut if your make, model, and year allows for the cutting of a key that only works the doors, not the ignition. I speak from experience when I say that a peek in the wallet is quicker than a call to a locksmith.

3. Cash

Cash in a wallet, crazy, right? Thing is: this isn't your walking around money, this is your "there's a problem with your card" money. This is the money that helps you avoid awkward situations when your card information gets frozen unexpectedly for strange purchases, or when you come up short by surprise. $20 is probably sufficient for single people, $40 for guys in a relationship (higher on date night itself), and, of course, your mileage may vary. That all being said, cash always spends.

4. To-do Lists

This can be anything: your honey-do list, shopping list, a print-out of your workout regimen, even your life goals or bucket list would be appropriate to keep here. Any list that you'd like to get done, and that may just have to happen when you get a spare moment, is useful to keep in your wallet. Think about it. You always have your wallet, which means that if the opportunity unexpectedly presents itself to get something on the list done, there's no stopping to try and remember what it was you wrote a month ago, or two months, or two years.

5. Duct Tape

Obviously, you won't put a roll of duct tape into your wallet; but, if you peel it off the roll, and fold it very precisely in multiple layers to the length of a credit card, and just a little thicker, you'll probably be walking around with a good few yards of the stuff, rolled up nicely and tucked away in your back pocket. This way, when something comes loose, you're on the spot, ready to apply recklessly indiscriminate adhesive to the problem.


With all these, you will, by default, have your basic response to a lot of problems on you and ready to go. Good luck in the wide world. Did I miss any great ideas for wallet sized solutions to life's problems? Feel free to add your own suggestions in the comments below.

Review the World: Hamburguesas Don Jesus

Hamburgeusas Don Jesus
Restaurant: Mexican/American Fusion
$: roughly $8-$12

Hamburguesas Don Jesus has been on my commute home for just under a year. I eyeballed it for a while before finally trying it on a friend's recommendation. I wish I hadn't waited so long. This place is fantastic. The burgers are tender and every burger has ham on it as well. This may seem like a weird misunderstanding of what hamburgers are, but having tried it, I can't help but believe they know exactly what they're doing. 

I had the Apache burger, and full disclosure, I had it without tomatoes. They're devil fruit, and I don't abide by them. Possibly, this may mean I didn't get the full Apache burger experience, but what I got was well worth getting. The Apache includes sour cream, Anaheim pepper, and avocado, in addition to normal burger ingredients.

Really, the worst thing I can say about this place is that the food is far to messy to bring a date there. You will embarrass yourself, smearing your face and hands in food, and right in front of whoever you're trying desperately to impress.

That said, this is a burger deserving of a Marshall Eriksen tribute (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wLlJ9hjf_xE). Sadly, I cannot do it as much justice as that. What I can do is link to their website, and send you somewhere that will make your life a little awesome-r. Happy Eating.

http://www.hamburguesasdonjesus.com/#!menu/w4d4v

Vault of the Mad Chocolatier: Artifacts for Table Top Games

Hello, and welcome to a new series on this site: Vault of the Mad Chocolatier!

This is where I'll share a handful of magical and fantasy items and enemies from my own games, my friends' games (with permission), and from brainstorming sessions. For today, I'll be sharing:

Lintz's Amulet (magical item)

• Appearance: This artifact is in the form of a golden amulet, roughly four inches in diameter. The front of the amulet bears a leaping stag in bass-relief, and the backside depicts a mad, laughing faerie face. It is on a golden chain. 
• Effect: When worn, the wearer's head and neck become that of a stag. They are magically able to continue to hold their massive head and antlers upright, but cannot speak except in deer bellows. To remove the effect, the amulet must be completely removed. This is difficult as the chain is magically unbreakable, so the eighteen inch chain must be carefully twisted around massive stag antlers in a series of disentangling Dexterity checks. 
• History: An unnamed fae, in a trickster's mood, spent a century subtly changing the written notes of wizards, driving many insane. This period of time is known as the years of the purge, due to the large number of mad wizards put down by the armies of men. One wizard, Lintz, maintained a facade of normalcy, buying clemency from the armies as an advisor to wizard hunting parties while he pursued his increasingly odd research. Of his work, this amulet is only one remaining product. 

Crilp's Cocktail (mundane item)

• Appearance: A small vial that looks exactly like a healing potion. Smelling this liquid makes the eyes water and gives a slight burning sensation in the nostrils. 
• Effect: This is hot pepper sauce. The shimmer is produced by ground glass mixed into the sauce. Drinking this potion lacerates the throat and fills that injury with capsaicin. 
• History: A kobold grunt named Crilp, pinned during battle, witnessed the large folk drinking his fallen comrades' healing potions without stopping to think about it. When he was tried for desertion, he saved his life with the invention of this solution, earning him accolades among the leaders of his cave. 

Fallen Stalwarts (undead enemy)

• Appearance: These are ghosts with raven mask faces, and a burning censer in one hand. They float above the ground; their bodies dissipating to tattered robes just below the place their legs would begin on a human. When killed they make a noise halfway between a scream and a deflating balloon. 
• Effect: These ghosts can cast fire magic, move in groups and should be statted to pose a reasonable challenge for a level three party with twice as many members as the number of Fallen Stalwarts faced.
• History: Fallen Stalwarts are the ghostly remnants of Clerics who sought to treat plagues. They inhabit areas long fallen to the plague, and, as the plague progresses, may prove to be as dangerous as the disease itself to further champions sent to cleanse the area. 

Review the World: The Colorado Renaissance Festival

Colorado Renaissance Festival
Nine week event. (June 11-August 7) Saturday and Sunday only.
Tickets good for one day.

Full disclosure, I've been to the Colorado Renaissance Festival before. I've gone eight years running, if I remember correctly. This might, justifiably merit a question of: "Why review it now?" Well, now I've got a blog. It may also raise the question: "Are you really objective about this?" No, no I am not. I am a fanboy, and this post is pure fanboy. If you want something more subjective, well, no one's gonna force you to read the whole thing.

This year saw some changes to last year's program. The classic act Puke and Snot, who do a two-man vaudevillian stand-up routine only made an anniversary appearance for the festival's 40 year celebration. This ran the first half of the festival, and there's no sign that the Puke and Snot Clone Show, which was the original actors' script performed by local entertainers, will return any time soon, which is a shame. It seems the Washing Well Wenches, a show built on flirting with the audience amid a slew of innuendo has fully taken over Puke and Snot's old stage. Washing Well Wenches is a good show in it's own right, and worth seeing if what I just said is at all intriguing to you, but it's still sad to see an iconic act leave the festival.

Other changes include the introduction of some new acts. The only one I was able to see was The Angels. I couldn't catch the whole show, but it looks like a solid set-up that will really shine with a few years under their belts. I'm excited to see if they stick it out long enough to build the following some of the longer-standing shows have built.

Other new acts include Hooligan and Turtle and Hare, both put on the festival's classic Pirate Pub Stage, which, for those who've been to the festival before, will hint at what kind of acts you're looking at here. For those who've never been before, firstly, go to the Colorado Renaissance Festival. Seriously, it's an event worth making a trip to Colorado for. Secondly, the Pirate Pub Stage is central to the fairgrounds, near a good bit of alcohol vendors, and is known for bawdy musical acts aimed at heavier drinkers. This is a general rule, and, not having gotten to see these acts, I can't say for sure that they fit the mold, but, on the reputation of the venue, I'd check it out yourself before bringing the kids. Actually, that's not a bad rule for the festival in general.

Some new street acts were present as well. There's now a unicorn to find, Twig the Fairy is back as usual, and then there's the Queen Owlchemist: a woman dressed as a bird with a nest whom you can get your picture taken with. I'm not sure if she's new this year, but I'd never seen her before. Then, of course, it wouldn't be the Renaissance Festival without Skidmark the Beggar. He yelled at me that my costume was a strange mix of Game of Thrones and Little House on the Prairie. He's coarse, rude, and unpleasant, but that's part of his shtick and it sets the tone of the festival beautifully.

Arsene of Paris was wonderful as always, and what was a close contest for best act at the festival turned into a landslide for Arsene when Puke and Snot left. If you've never been before, DO NOT ARRIVE LATE TO ARSENE OF PARIS. I will not say more for fear of ruining a truly fantastic piece of entertainment. The men of Celtic Legacy remain the rock stars of the festival, and the paths around their act turned into standing room only for a crowd that doubled what their stage was meant to accommodate as a venue. Maybe we'll see some changes in the future, but it seems like nothing short of the joust field would fit Celtic Legacy's fans. I was personally excited to hear them playing "Brewery Tap" in their set. While they've made a couple changes to their membership, the heart and soul of the group continues to be what it's always been.

For the first time, I finally saw the Endangered Cat Show. It's what it sounds like, a little slice of wildlife park show in the midst of a Renaissance Festival. They showed several cats, and I believe they were: a Chinese fisher cat, a white Bengal tiger, a black leopard, and one I can't remember the name of, but it looked a lot like an ocelot and I remember for sure that it wasn't actually called an ocelot. The stage set-up they've got is great for displaying these animals' abilities, and I was pleasantly surprised how engaging something that amounts to a zoo show can be with the right people running things.

The surprise turnout of the festival were Acrobatrix. Star and Thunder started, if I remember correctly, last year; but this was the year they came into their own. They're a great acrobatic showing, and they're doing a great job filling the gap left by the departure of The Kamikaze Fireflies. Not only do they fill a vital niche, but this year, their comfort on stage improved tenfold. They threw around quips, cracked each other up, and built a better rapport with the audience than the talented but, unfortunately, nervous and apologetic stage presence audiences saw from them last year. More than any other act, what I saw in Acrobatrix this year was a reassurance that as acts come and go over the years, the festival will maintain a stable of strong performers who come up through the ranks to prove themselves stars amid the crowds of Larkspur.

Book Review: Last Report on the Miracles at Little No Horse by Louise Erdrich

Last Report on the Miracles at Little No Horse
-Author: Louise Erdrich
-Publishing Date: 2001
-Setting Genre: Fictional Realism // Historical Fiction
-Narrative Genre: Memoir, Town Ensemble, Non-sequential Narrative
-Themes: Gender Identity, Religious Exploration/Questioning, Public vs Private Worship

Subjective Length: 3-7 days

Overall, 7/10. This is a well-written novel, with a compelling narrative style; however, those who are not fans of historical or realistic fiction may or may not find themselves enthralled in the unfolding plot. More likely; however, they may be put off by a number of controversial themes. That said, those who, despite not being fans of the genre, can stick through the first few chapters, will find a depth of storytelling that speaks to something human in the nobility of seeking answers in a world not forthcoming with the certainties we desire.

Controversial Themes: 
Juxtaposition of Religion and Gender: Let's begin with the most obvious. This book deals with a prolonged gender-disguise. This is not portrayed as trans-genderism, as when the audience is given insight into the mind of the character acting this out, they continue to refer to themselves in feminine pronouns, despite living as a man for several decades. This disguise is taken up out of a sense of religious duty, arising from visions seen in a near death experience. All of this creates a scenario sexually uncomfortable for the stereotypical conservative and religiously uncomfortable for the stereotypical liberal. Some discomfort in themes didn't ruin the book for me, but your mileage may vary.
Sex: Sex is dealt with often, and situates this work solidly in the conventions of contemporary literature. The amount of sex involved fits with the expected content of realistic new releases and Oprah selections. Also included are a scene involving necrophilia, and a scene in which a demon disguised as a dog attempts to entice a character to sin; this is described in somewhat sexual language.
Homosexuality: The main characters of this book speak seldom on this issue, but put forth the classic Catholic viewpoint. When two characters sworn to celibacy share intimacy, they include a half-joking assertion that, at least, it wasn't a homosexual liason. This may be offensive to some readers.
Demonic Powers: Demons are portrayed, but it is unclear whether the vaguely defined narrator views these experiences as real or as delusions. Though, the moral high ground seems to be given to characters who view these incidents as genuine.
Universalism: While not said in so many words, there is a universalist underpinning to the plot. This includes a dying character trying to decide which religion's heaven she finally goes to.

**SPOILERS AHEAD***SPOILERS AHEAD***SPOILERS AHEAD***SPOILERS AHEAD**

Last Report on the Miracles as Little No Horse deals primarily with the life of Agnes DeWitt, also known as Sister Cecilia, also known as Father Damien. The story skips forwards and backwards in time, shedding light firstly on the life of Father Damien, and secondarily on the life of Sister Leopolda, also known as Pauline Puyat.

Damien's story begins as Sister Cecilia: a nun. She comes to a reverence for music, especially Chopin, which raises dangerous emotions in the rest of the convent, and leads her to, in the throes of playing this music, reach orgasm, and enter into what is treated in the text as a sexual relationship with music and with Chopin. When the Mother Superior puts a stop to this, Cecilia leaves the convent, becoming again Agnes DeWitt.

She then enters into a relationship with Berndt Vogel: a German settler establishing a homestead. This develops into a sexual relationship, which Berndt's will reveals to be, in his mind, a common law marriage. She obtains a piano during this time and begins teaching music lessons. On an errand in town, she is taken hostage by a bank robber, and, in rescuing her, Berndt is killed.

In a despondence after the death of Berndt, she lives on in the town, eventually meeting Father Damien. She initially holds him in contempt for his perceived naïveté. Shortly thereafter, her home is flooded by an overflowing river that swallows her piano and leaves her barely alive. She experiences a vision of what she perceives to be Christ nurturing her back to health and charging her to be "like Me". When, shortly thereafter, she finds the body of Father Damien, she takes this as a charge to become a man and follow in the plans of Father Damien, assuming his identity and moving into the town of Little No Horse.

It is here that the primary thrust of the story takes place, as Father Damien/Agnes is interviewed concerning the possible canonization of Sister Leopolda. This is a complex issue which boils down to a single point. Damien/Agnes knows Leopolda is unworthy of such distinction, and the best evidence for it is a murder committed by Leopolda. The issue is that there is no way to obscure the fact that Damien/Agnes has known of this crime for years, and never went to the authorities. She kept the crime secret when Leopolda revealed that she knew Agnes was not really a man, and had been masquerading as one. Damien/Agnes then covered up the crime to protect the secret of her own identity.

Ancillary to the main thrust of the plot, the book is a deeply theological book, holding an almost Descartian view of mankind's inability to know with certainty the veracity of any one set of religious claims. Agnes' discussions with a man named Nanapush pepper the narrative with deep discussions of the afterlife, the nature of spirits in the world of men, the balance of mundane and spiritual concerns, and the differences between the Ojibwe and the Catholics in particular, and between monotheistic and animistic faith systems in general.

The book highlights the difference between dramatic and simple events. The events leading to the creation of this new Father Damien are the most dramatic, but cover less than 50 pages of a more than 350 page book, while the quiet acts of selflessness that defined the remainder of Agnes' life take center stage. This highlights the differences between Sister Leopolda: a manipulative murderess whose dramatic forms of self-flagellation, and claimed miracles are what the world looks at as Saintly: and Agnes/Damien, who lived a life of faithful service, seeking to help people seeking help, and to improve the church and the community through tireless and consistent effort. This could, in simplest terms, be seen as a religiously moralistic retelling of the Tortoise and the Hare: reliability and service versus spectacle and showmanship.

This is the counterpoint that comes up, interestingly enough, in most criticism of Romantic Comedies. The idea that the world is impressed by grand gesture, but that true love is done simply, in daily actions that show something deeper than ego, affection, or lust. It is this dichotomy that forms the central thesis of Last Report, and it is this hard look at the theatrical trappings of romance versus the quiet sacrifice of deep and relational love that defines the impact of this work.

The Alter-Ego Archive: Alexander Todd

Welcome to the Alter-Ego Archive, where I'll be reviving a few favorite characters from old RPGs. Today I'll be reviving Alexander Todd, a character I played in New World of Darkness a few years ago. This is all reproduced as best as I remember it, but I make no promises that I've recalled every detail in perfect accuracy.

Alexander Todd is something of a local celebrity. He hosts a moderately successful marriage counseling program on local access television. Of course, this means his own pending divorce and alcoholism must be closely kept secrets for the sake of the life he's built for himself. Still, when his wife is captured by cultists, he has enough feeling left for her to get involved in storming the cult that caused all this kerfuffle in the first place.

On his travels, he allied with an NRA lobbyist and a career butler with an encyclopedic knowledge of occultism. His highlights in their quest to stop the summoning of Nyarlthotep included some great moments.

1. When the lobbyist was having trouble talking his way into the back rooms of an upscale bar, Alexander fell across the other man's shoulders. He booped the lobbyist's nose, slurred, "C'mere beefcake." and then turned to the bouncer with a, "S'okay, he's with me." This worked at getting them into the VIP rooms.

2. When confronted in the cult's subterranean tunnels he, still drunk from the incident in the club, cried out "La, la, Nyarlthotep f'tagn!" The cultists shook their heads, tsked about how insistent the leaders were about not turning up drunk to the celebration, and, assuming him to be a fellow cultist to eager to start the revelry,  helped him find his way to the summoning ritual.

Of course, he wasn't much good in the final fight, but he found his way there like a boss.